Hamster in a Wheel

Some days I feel like a hamster in a wheel. Every morning, I'm right back where I started, doing the same thing over again.
This week has flown by in a whirlwind of life.
Nothing new or out of the ordinary. Just a whole lot of living. A whole lot of dealing with the ordinary.Mess making for Kaleb. The other day he put the laundry (at least it was the dirty stuff) in the toilet. He loves the Tupperware cupboard. It does me no good to pick it up until he has gone to bed. The first thing he does when I get him out of the crib in the morning is empty the Tupperware. Kaleb continues to amaze me every day at how quickly he learns new skills and words. I wish I knew what he was saying half the time as he runs up and down the hall.

Alexander is growing way too fast. I picked him up this morning and he suddenly seemed so big to me. He smiles and laughs so easily and is becoming a much better tempered baby. He enjoys playing by himself a lot more than in the beginning.

For me there is the usual cooking, cleaning, budgeting (oh, how I hate that word), and mostly trying to live more in the moment - to be the listening mom, the in on the action mom.
Not sure how entirely successful I've been on the last part, but at least I'm trying. I have to start each day with the same resolve. I am not going to sigh and roll my eyes when one of the boys wants attention. I am going to drop whatever I am doing (as long as it's not important, and it usually isn't) and I am going to get down on the floor and just love my little boys.
For Jake, he just goes to work. Which I appreciate a lot. Although some days I wouldn't mind trading jobs with him.

Jake's nephew is still in the hospital. The doctors are coming up with a plan of attack to battle the illness that is ravaging his little body. We continue to hope for the best and pray for the miracle. Thank you for your prayers on behalf of my sister-in-law and her family.

smiling a sad smile

The cold rainy weather matches my mood right now. This has been a pretty tough week and a half. Just over a week ago Jake's sister brought her sweet baby boy, (who is only about 5 weeks older than Xander) to the hospital for what was perceived to be pneumonia. His poor little lungs were so full of fluid and keep filling up. They are still in the hospital. The doctors keep doing tests trying to figure out what is going on with the little guys body. It seems each test shows new problems. As of now the diagnosis is an extremely rare disease that has only been recorded 200 times in all of its history. This means there is no known cure and they really don't know much of anything.
I just can't perceive the heartache, sadness and emotional roller-coaster my sister-in-law and her husband are going through right now.
I look at my babies and just hold them so tight. I have to remind myself, for how much I love them, Someone loves them even more (if that's fathomable) and I am only temporarily borrowing them. They are only here for a visit, however long that may be. Although it does no good to question the why in any situation, it sure is hard not to go there.
It makes me take a step back and look at daily life under a whole new microscope. Makes me realize how many things don't matter. So what if Kaleb is pulling the Tupperware out AGAIN and shoving his toys under the fridge AGAIN and a miriade of fun toddler things that he does on a daily basis. I'll remind myself he doesn't do it just to bug me. The house may be a mess but that's okay because my boys are learning how to throw and catch a ball and how to sit up unassisted. I may be sleep deprived but these babies sure do make it worthwhile. I am so blessed to have them to love and take care of.
If you don't mind me asking some special prayers for baby Jesse and especially his mom and dad that they may feel peace and comfort during this stormy time in their lives. May we pray for the miracle but also feel the warm arms of God wrapped around us to know He is taking care of everything, whatever happens, it's in His hands and He will make it all right.
It's frustrating when I want to do everything or anything, yet I can do nothing. What I can do though is go hug and love these little guys...

and find time to smile and laugh at their crazy messes...

I am rich...I have a family

I feel so blessed every day that I get to spend my time with these boys. It is a struggle (okay, most of the time) to stay positive and cheerful about this daunting task but I feel so rich in my life. I may not have monetary wealth but to me, my family makes me feel like I am the richest person and nothing else matters.
This week was pretty laid back and relaxed. Jake went back to work on Monday and I got to stay home and be with the boys.
This was our week...
The boys were being so cute one morning sitting next to each other I was glad I grabbed the camera.


Kaleb is finally starting to get teeth. This has made him rather snotty and grumpy some days. Three on bottom and four on top with a fifth one coming in the back on top.
We definitely have a toddler on our hands. Kaleb makes messes faster than I can clean them up. He loves walking and the freedom it provides for his hands to carry things everywhere and anywhere. You never know where objects you've been looking for will turn up (check the diaper pail).Alexander seems to be growing faster than I can blink. I swear I don't remember Kaleb growing this fast. He rolls all over the floor and is quite a happy baby most of the time. He is becoming more Independent and will let me lay him down for a few minutes so I can get stuff done two handed.
He still pukes, not quite as much, and it doesn't hurt him as far as we can tell. We've decided to forgo any tests and just wait until he grows out of the pukey stage. Now if we could only get him to sleep better at night. I would even take only waking every two hours at night (but less would be more than fine in my book). Kaleb didn't ever sleep very well either so I think we're stuck dealing with it. As I recall Kaleb didn't sleep through the night completely until after his first birthday (or maybe just before?)
Pictures were going along great and then the touching started.
"Mom, he's touching me" I am glad it's only facial right now and not vocal.


And then it turned in to this
Ahhh, brotherly love begins already.


Alexander tried his first few bites of rice cereal. He won't take a bottle so we're hoping to get him well established with cereal enough that I can leave for more than an hour by myself and Xander won't have a complete conniption.

I had Xander with me in bed one morning. I was not waking up at 4am and couldn't get him to stay asleep. We both fell asleep in the bed and this is what I woke up to.
He was being so fun and cute I took a lot of pictures. I'll spare you the majority of them, but, I couldn't quite dwindle down to only a couple favorites.



By the way...aren't Alexander's pajamas the cutest ever? His Aunt Shawna S. gave them to him. I love them!

Until next week...
We love you all so much.

Yearly Overload

Another year gone? Wow, that went fast. I guess we've been too busy to realize time was flying by.
This has been quite a whirlwind year. It has been challenging and full of blessings all at the same time.
We realized you can get pregnant even when nursing.
Jake celebrated turning 30 in May.
Moved to another apartment, in another city. In another ward and stake also.
We celebrated Kaleb's 1st birthday end of July.
Had Alexander beginning of September.
Kaleb went to nursery this past Sunday - he's really 18 months already - wow! He has grown so swiftly. When I dropped him off for nursery he walked right in the door and didn't look back, amidst other kids screaming and crying as mommy walked out the door.
The new year always starts off with several parties.
Mom and Dad Stevens stopped by for a brief 24 hour visit on Wed the 30th - leaving the next morning. They brought us Christmas. We feel thoroughly spoiled rotten. We got a rocking recliner and the boys got spoiled by their aunts and uncles with toys galore
New Years Eve we spent in Anaheim with our good friends in their new house. Jake cooked a traditional meal I've come to expect ever since I was younger...stir fry - oh my yummy! Jake did such a fantastic job, despite the fact it had a bit more heat than I like. I just kept a box of tissues handy and pigged out on stir fry, wontons, and shrimp. I was fired from helping in the food preparations after strike three. Started out with burning myself on the hot oil, then cut my finger, then dumped dry rice all over the stove and floor. I'm a mess!
We taught our friends boys how to eat shrimp when they still have their tails. The ward missionaries came for dinner and helped us polish everything off. We kept ourselves awake by playing a video game called Wii - I was sure struggling with staying awake, and knew I would regret it in the morning...but it was so worth it!
The next day was my birthday - 27 years old - wahoo!
We didn't have any plans but decided to randomly walk around Downtown Disney since we were right there and had never done that before. It was a really nice day and we enjoyed ourselves.


I still have problems taking videos the wrong direction. You would think I would learn. Can I just say, I love my boys. They are so fun to be around (most of the time) and cute, and just brighten any day. (as I ignore the screaming baby next to me)



Jake made sure I blew out some candles. Didn't quite blow all 27 out in one breath - whew.


Kaleb really enjoyed helping us eat cake and icecream.January 2nd is our anniversary. 6 Years ago we were joined for eternity in the Jordan River temple in UT.
Since then we have lived in 7 apartments, 3 states, and 5 cities. But best of all, we have an 18 month old boy and a 4 month old boy.
It certainly hasn't been easy all the time but I am so grateful we have each other to torment for eternity.
Thank you my eternal love for all you do. Thank you for being you. Thank you for being my shining star no matter where you are. Thank you my dear for loving me. Without you where would I be. Thank you sweetie for coming into my life, I'm so proud and grateful to be your wife. I look forward to our golden years. More happy times, and not many tears. Thank you for your patience and understanding. Thank you for being my rock and solid foundation. It is so nice to have someone to lean on and to grow with as we traverse life's paths together. Thank you for being a great dad. I still think the best gift I've ever given our boys (besides life of course) was to choose you to be their dad. I love their giggles of delight when you walk in the room and the way their faces light up as Kaleb runs over to be swept up into your arms. Thank you for working so hard to support us. I appreciate all you've done for us more than I could ever decipher in words. You brought my life to life. I am so grateful to have you to love for eternity.
Just a jumble of thoughts are going through my head and they can never adequately express how much I love you Jake.

This was how we spent our anniversary. Just relaxing.

This is what happens when you have kids.












A beautiful perfect day to spend at the park. Alexander loved his first time on the swing, giggling the whole time.



We wanted to spend most of the day by ourselves enjoying our anniversary without kids. This did not happen because we have a dear sweet boy who will not take a bottle even if he's starving to death and there is no other food source.
We opted for a quick dinner instead.
We dropped the kids off at some dear friends in our old ward and went to try out a new romantic find. Jake had the best lamb shanks and I the yummiest ravioli. It was so nice to be together. I had to laugh when a family came in with their kids and sat down right next to us. Siiigh, we just can't get away from kids!
I was a really enjoyable evening and nice to get out even if just for a little bit.
Now the holidays are over and it's back to the daily grind of everyday life. I look forward to what this year will bring us and what it has to offer.
Bring it on 2010 we can take it!