A Gift From Above

I had the opportunity to get some professional pictures taken of Evelyn at the hospital. The photographer is trying to get her name out there so she only charged me $10 in exchange for me to pass on her name.

She captured some great shots. I am grateful I have these fleeting details captured. These babies change so fast.

Here's my favorite pictures ... all 30 of them :-)

 hehehe - this is her Popeye look

The last one. Looking at these pictures makes me a little sad. I'm so grateful I captured these little details because I know they will soon be forgotten as other things take space in my crammed memory. Unless we get told otherwise Evelyn is our last baby. I am filled with a jumble of emotions. Relief to have finally given birth, pride and joy in our healthy baby, and sorrow at the realization that I'll never again experience the primeval miracle of growing a baby inside my body. I was vividly struck with this when I posted pictures of my maternity clothes for sale. Clothes I've been storing between pregnancies for 6 years now. As pregnant woman have come to browse and buy and those clothes went out the door I had to remind myself, I no longer need them. 

I've come to realize that every single one of her firsts will also be my lasts. When she outgrows her clothes I'll no longer be saving them for the next baby. When she abandons toys I'll be giving them away. I'll be glad to have the closest space back! But I'm sure I'll also have a moment at the store when I realize I don't need to turn down the baby aisle, and I never will again (unless I'm shopping for someone else!) 

One day I'll be glad to get rid of the bottles taking up cabinet space. But it will also be strange because these bottles have lived in this basket for almost 6 years now. I'll do the same a year later with the rubber tipped spoons, and the sippy cups, and eventually the primary colored plastic plates and cups. Some day all these little pieces that are just part of our everyday life and go unnoticed will shockingly no longer be needed. And I'm sure removing them will make my heart break just a little bit. 

I can't say I'll miss diaper changes though. Diaper changing totally sucks, and I'm so not looking forward to another round of potty training!

Always the ache, right underneath my lungs, in the pit of my gut, the ache of what 'The Last One' means and the grief of moving on, of love, of knowing: No more babies. No more nursing quietly in the night. No more flour sack of milk-drunk baby bliss. No more gummy smiles. No more tiny diapers. No more baby clothes. No more crib. No more baby wearing. No more new baby smell. No more of the millions of moments that knit your heart so completely to another small soul.

This last baby is going to get the most cuddles, hugs and kisses. As many as I can give her until I know she'll wriggle out of my arms. Last night as I was nursing her at 4am I whispered in her ear, "don't grow up". But I know these kids sadly have to grow up. Knowing this I smushed my cheek up against her cheek and inhaled that beautiful baby scent that lingers in the hair. The voice in my head keeps reminding me she's my last one, my very last one, and there won't be another.

With each day that passes the ribbon of childhood feels like it's unwinding too quickly and I'm powerless to stop it. The most amazing time in my life is quickly slipping by so I'm going to go make the most of it! We're going to blow bubbles in our milk, frolic in the mud, eat dessert first, I won't mind when you want to read that book for the 10th time, and I'm especially going to make sure there's lots of love and laughter around here.

I know there is a season for all things in our life. I am ready to pass on this baton to the next generation of moms and dads. It's time for a new path and to tread down another road yet unexplored - bring it on!

I love being a mom!

1 More Makes 4

I didn't even stay in the hospital 24 hours. Close but I got out of there a few hours early. I was eager to get home to my own space and for the kids to meet Evelyn. The hospital is on a visitor lock-down and won't allow anyone under 18 to visit. I know it's to prevent illness but it seems silly to me. If an adult is at the hospital with the same germs as their kids, what's the difference?
Jake came to pick me up after he was done with class and we made a run for it :-)

This is a brief snippet of the kids meeting their sister:

MVI_1828 a video by longstocking83 on Flickr.

Breahna was super excited and kept squealing, "baby"

Hard to believe we have 4 kids now!

All the kids have adjusted well and are very loving and helpful toward Evelyn.

I tried to get a picture of all the kids and it quickly turned in to this:

It was Kaleb's turn to bring a show-and-tell to school. He asked if he could bring Evelyn. He settled for a picture of him holding Evelyn:

Alexander and Breahna weren't quite as excited with the picture taking:

and suddenly, one more makes 4 ... and we are really outnumber:

my mom's sister and her husband are going back out on their mission to England. My aunt, uncle and grandma came for the farewell and stopped by to meet Evelyn:

4 generations of love:

what amazing women. They have truly been an inspiration and example in all I've accomplished in life. Evelyn, you have quite the legacy and footsteps to follow in:

Then I tried to get a picture with all four kids ... it didn't go so well:

I was sad my mom had to get back to her own life and all that was going on there. We are so grateful for her help. The kids keep asking me when she can come back.
Now we jump in to life with 4 kids. One day at a time we'll manage. It's going to be crazy fun!

50% Mommy + 50% Daddy = 100% Perfect

This is a long story about a labor of love:
7 months ago we got the glorious news we would be expanding our home by 10 more tiny toes. Despite living in a 2 bedroom, 1 bath apartment we were thrilled and looked forward with anticipation to the day we could bring another of Heavenly Father's children to experience this world.
The date was circled in red, this baby was coming on February 3rd. My belly quickly expanded as it made room for a tiny human.
February 3rd came ... and passed by:

At 9 months my doctor that had cared for me throughout my entire pregnancy suddenly left with no notice. Leaving me to find a new doctor. We had to laugh that Dr. Prince cared for me through 2 pregnancies and never delivered any of my babies. With Breahna he left for vacation a few hours before I went into labor. I decided to stay with the same medical practice and was very pleased with our new doctor. He was worried about me going over my due date. When I told him all my other babies went to 42 weeks he commented, "wow, those doctors in California are brave!" Well, one of those babies was here. There is no need to rush this baby if she isn't ready. I am ready but I'll leave that up to her. 41 weeks came and it was decided this baby needed to be evicted.
I was told to call the hospital at 5:30am on Thursday, February 13th to see if they had room for me to come in. They were too busy and told me they would call back if a room opened up. I was so disappointed. I had childcare arranged and was eager to meet our little girl. Just before 10am the hospital called and told me I could come in at noon. I will be there!
Jake dropped me off at the labor and delivery entrance and took the kids home. It was a bit strange walking up by myself. I kept getting asked, "your husband is coming, right?" Oh, I hope eventually.

Noon - I got hooked up right away with a blood pressure cuff, IV fluid drip and belly monitors for baby.

 12:40 - the doctor came in to break my water and check my progress - still 3cm. They waited to monitor me and see how I was progressing on my own.
1:50 - I was started on pitocin. I was having contractions but they weren't at all regular. They started a slow drip hoping to get regular contractions going. It was so boring just waiting by myself. The power was out so the TV wasn't working. Good thing for back-up emergency generator power so anything important was working. I had a book and movie with me but I decided they were both boring. At the same time, I was really enjoying the peace and quiet.  I made sure the nurse showed me how to unhook everything so I could get up and wander around the room.
3:30 - I had the nurse check if I was making any progress - 4cm. She upped the pit. a little more to hopefully get things really going.
Shortly afterward my mom, who drove 4 hours to help out, showed up at our house to take over with the childcare. Jake came right up to the hospital and was just in time for things to get exciting. He brought a couple movies to watch (the power was back on, yeah!) I decided on Big Fish, I needed some light-hearted humor. Not too far into the movie and my contractions were getting pretty strong and took my concentration to breath through them.
7:20 - my doctor checked my progress. 7cm - and oh boy was I feeling it. They kept asking me if I wanted pain meds. I was undecided. Jake was an amazing labor coach and kept telling me how amazing and strong I was, I didn't need an epidural, I could do it. I did it with Breahna. I was almost done. But also kept reassuring me it was just fine to get it. Jake was holding a cool washrag to my forehead. He was awesome at helping me breath and relax. At one point the nurse suggested I open my eyes and concentrate on something in the room. Really focus on all the details, like Jake! Open your eyes and focus on Jake to help you ride the next contraction. I opened my eyes, saw him inches from my face and declared, "I just want to bite you!" - hehehe - I guess I do better with my eyes shut.
8:17pm - After 10 minutes of pushing I was suddenly holding a baby in my arms. My first question; is it still a girl? Yup, she was. 4th kid and this was our best birthing experience. I think we've finally got it all figured out - doesn't mean I want another one.
She is the first baby that I didn't need help with vacuum extraction. She came out with her clenched fist up by her head which resulted in a nice ragged tear.
Soon as she was laid on my chest she rooted around until she found food and went right to town helping herself with no coaching. She stayed on my chest for quite a while and did not want to stop sucking. She was screaming mad when I tried to pry her away. I had Jake grab a binky out of my bag so the nurse could take her. I wanted to know her stats!

Evelyn Denae Stevens
7lbs 10 oz
20 inches long

The smallest of all our babies but as perfect as can be.
Evelyn because we like the name but also in honor of my grandmas sister who was only 7 when she passed away due to some illness. Denae is for Jake's "aunt" Jill. His moms cousin but more like an aunt to us. She was our mom in California.
And now comes the part where I can't decide which pictures to post ... so, I'll post them all, since this is my scrapbook/journal.

My mom came up the next morning to meet her newest granddaughter. Grandchild #22 - granddaughter #13

Jake came up later for lunch. They brought us our special 'stork meal' for lunch since Jake wouldn't be able to come for dinner. He had a class to attend.
What a romantic Valentine's day. We spent it eating tough steak, shrimp, salad, roll, sparkling cider and chocolate cake and cheesecake. All while watching a mandatory baby CPR video:

All these babies sure do look related! I for sure see the same eyes and nose:

Part 2, 'the homecoming' will be continued...