You are Enough

Sometimes it's a setback that gives me a new perspective on life, makes me more grateful. I am grateful for the challenges we face, it's good to get a reminder of what I have.
As many of you know this past week has been a tough one for our family. After a week of what I thought a bad cold and after said cold turned into a nasty cough that lasted 3 days I finally took Breahna to the doctor. Doctor said it might be whooping cough since it's been a bad year for that. He took a sample and said it would be several days before we knew results. Also added, don't worry, she seems fine, I doubt she has it.
I waited on pins and needles through the long 3-day holiday weekend. My baby wasn't feeling better. She was coughing so hard, especially at night. Me and Jake sat up many late night hours holding her upright, crying, and praying for her as she coughed so hard she needed to be reminded to breath. There were several tense moments we almost took her to the E.R. I just wasn't sure what to think. She would have these terrible coughing fits and them seem fine for a brief respite, even smiling.
Tuesday I called the doctors office first thing in the morning. Results weren't back yet. I decided to walk in for another emergency appointment. We saw the walk-in doctor who said he couldn't do anything for us until we got results back, which might be several more days. Thankfully he also added, but, just in case, lets get her started on antibiotics, and a nebulizer.
There was a lot of craziness that went down with getting her the medicine she needed. It wasn't until Wednesday after going to two different pharmacies I finally had her medicine. As I was walking home from the pharmacy the doctors office called with results. It's pertussis, more commonly known as whooping cough. The entire family is infected and you all need to be treated. My heart sank just a little.
Almost immediately that little voice in my head started to creep in berating me for being such a terrible mother.
How did I let it go untreated this long? Why didn't I fight for medicine last Friday? Why didn't I research whooping cough last Friday? Why didn't I see the occasional advertisements in magazines and online warning care-givers to get their pertussis vaccine so they didn't infect baby? 
Of course, once this little voice starts it seems to escalate to issues not even related:
I'm not a good enough mother. I'm not a good enough wife. I don't do enough. I don't cherish enough. I don't cook enough. I don't clean enough. I don't enjoy enough. My house isn't nice enough. I don't spend enough quality time with my amazing children. I'm not skinny enough. I'm not thoughtful enough. I'm not even prayerful or grateful enough...
I'm not enough, ever.
How many times a day do we have these thoughts? How many times a day do we listen?
Their lies, all of them. From the master of lies himself.
And I'm not listening anymore.

I am enough

I did the best I could for my little girl. I am so grateful for modern day vaccines and medicine. I am so grateful there's a treatment and a cure. I am so grateful the kids have insurance.
The next day I went to pick up antibiotics for the rest of us. I am grateful Jake has insurance through school. I am grateful that although I don't have insurance the medicine was affordable.
This is serious enough that the health department called to ask me lots of questions. Wanted to track our where-abouts the past 21 days. Had we gone to any nursing homes or visited any hospitals? Not knowing we were all sick the boys went to church on Sunday. On Monday they went with a friend to a lake to play. We have been to several stores, movies theaters, etc. We have been around a lot of people.
I was told to call and inform anyone I could think of that had any contact with us.
I was told we needed to stay quarantined for at least 5 days.
He also asked about any other symptoms the rest of the family was feeling. Jake started coughing around August 1st. It's just a chest cough, no other symptoms. It was determined Jake was the carrier. Thankfully the boys are up to date on their vaccines so they have very mild symptoms. I didn't even know they were sick until I was told what to look for! I know the vaccines help, the boys are testament of that.
Then the feelings start to sink back in Our poor baby girl, I am so sorry!
No, I won't listen! I did the best I could.
We know better now. And now we can spread the word to educate others. This is a serious infection. Adults, please protect your little loved ones, they can't protect themselves yet. Get your vaccines. It's such a simple procedure.
We're getting our vaccines soon as we're past all this!
I'm grateful this is only a very temporary part of our life at this moment:
Breahna dislikes the nebulizer. For now, it's part of our days, three times a day!

All three kids have different needed doses of their medicine (of course). To keep it all straight I got them each their own dropper and marked their corresponding needed amount with a sticker.

Pretty soon we'll be out riding out bikes again

For now, it's lots of warm baths (Breahna loves her bath time!)

and we're trying to enjoy all the family time ... a lot of movie nights and games and trying not to go crazy. Maybe this is a good thing since Jake starts school on Monday and he won't be around as much.

I am grateful for this little girl. She is so miserable yet she still smiles easily. She is such a light in our family. (by-the-way; she's really starting to grab and pull now, love these little milestones!)